you dont even remember,

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Lyrics, it tells all..
Fifteen songs shuffled.

Sunday, September 15

You, darling.

I figure that you won't read here anymore.
Though you used to do so to hear my inner voice, always trying to understand
me better. And ashamed, to even come to realise and understand that incident.
Though that's all past now, the hurt's current..
I don't know how long I have been trying to "ignore"
or "evade" that feeling of pain and regret, but what I
know today is that I've regretted so so deeply.
And for the first time in my life, I taste regret so vividly.
Though all these does not matter now, because I know I've
brought us to a path of no return, I really would love
to redo this whole thing again and give a more go now instead of
just a "can we try?". I know you have always gave me your best.
And I have also always thought I am never good enough for you.
I guess today this is still my reason for not daring to pursue this now.
But nevertheless, I really wanna apologise sincerely, that I never
wanted all these to happen, never wanted things to end up like that.
Though apology really don't change things.
And like you always say.. "What are words?"



Till now, everyday, I am still living in delusion of what I really want.
What I can only tangibly feel is that things have changed, and
I am so unhappy with it. I don't know what it is, and this
frustration furthers this unhappiness.



When I recall things or when I try to recall things,
I just felt the exploding anger towards myself.
And this sense of frustration, regret, and loss altogether
really drives me to the verge of self-infliction, many if
not all the times when I'm alone.
And when you were my only one. When you were
whom I looked for.
Now I turn to nothing and I can expect nothing.
They say the worst feeling on earth is "helplessness".
I feel this everytime I recall things.
Which is all the time, because of the abundance of memory.



I still shamelessly hope and wish for the slightest possibility
everytime. Although I know what's torn is really hard to mend.
I just don't know what will I be like without you.
I don't dare to imagine. And is this too deceitful to have
the slightest hope in belief? I really don't know. I can only pray.

Nevertheless, I know this is not all for nothing though.
Because I found somebody in life who truly loved me.
And I am so thankful for that.
I'm so sorry for all the hurt but really I can find no means
to just give it up entirely. Maybe im a coward, but you matter so much.

It will hurt. It will hurt because it matters.
You matter too much.

Friday, October 15

LOL, my blog is coated with dust alr cnfrm.
I srsly have no time to blog.
Your can just listen song and afk. <:

ps: ily boyf.

Friday, April 30

Thursday, March 11

haven been blogging for ages.
Have been sick for more than a week, and still am.
self-declared holidays were adventurous.
I won't be blogging regularly anymore.
Privacy reasons.
I just have these to say:

yrh, I really fell for you.
Thank you for all these courage you gave me,
the unconditional love you showered,
your tolerance and patience towards me.
I really see our future soon to come that we'll build together.
I lost control over you, over myself.
Cos my life only revolves around you.
Without you, I'm an empty shell.

Thursday, January 28

okay havent been posting lately.
wont be posting also, rather occupied.
Like 3-4 tests a week.
SPA are rather easy so far.
I know where im heading to for O lvls.
L1R5:
L1 - Eng A2/B3
R5 - Physics A1/A2
A Maths A2
E Maths A2
Combined humans A2/B3
Bio A1

= 2+2+2+2+3+1 = 12
-4 bonus pts = 8point.

-> ACJC/ JJC.

Will consider trying DSA.

Upcoming events:
dashdash- fam tee orders
nanhua idol audition
22nd month with boyf
Valentines day
Yati's birthday

K stop here for now v busy kthxbye.

Friday, January 1

its either you be with me forever.
or you dnt be with me at all.

Wednesday, December 30

blog about cameron and xmas nxt time.
dam busy nowadays.
gna have countdown tmr with dD at marine barrage.
before tht got bowling. o:


listen carefully boy, and you can hear my heart screaming
i love you.

Tuesday, December 29

not going to post as often.
life too hectic and screwed up.
considering to make blog private or to change URL.
dnt wna expose my plans of running away all these.
i dnt allow those tears to come back agn.

Had a Wonderfull Xmas with dashDASH- and dear.
thanks dear for th necklace, its rly committment.
i love you dear, though i dnt show it.
you are what my life revolves around.
i dnt care how they see us,
cos inside me i knw you are th only exception i see so far from guys are jerks.
th love you shower is overwhelming.
i know you're giving in your all, i just cant absorb so fast.
th past still haunts me like it haunts you..
sorry for not giving you anyth much.
in th whole world, your shoulder is th most sturdy leaning on.
your hug is th embrace of love and care.
i really cant afford you to leave me though i knw thts v selfish of me..

Friday, December 11

yst:
went citysq mall to meet dear.
first thing, he said " wah my dear look so pretty today "
- * zz today only? * -
LOL, nvm tht made my day. (:
ate at some italian restaurant run by japanese.
its like rly platable with dam reasonable prices can.
i ate th squid ink pasta, dear wanted to try it.
actually i wanted to eat cai fan.
cos i cant rmb when is th last tym i ate rice and vegetables.
dam unhealthy la me, dam long nv eat proper meals alr.
for th past few days haven been eating regularly, lyk a meal per day.
aft tht went citysq residence audi, study, slack etc.

tdy:
studied at home, went mac.
went dhouby play audi and Highstreet 5.
LOL my highstreet kana kicked out of guild, dam long nv on.
Thn went to meet dear at citysq mac.
aft tht ate at italian restaurant again.
this time ate baked rice cos i rly dam long nv eat rice alr ><
went home.
tmr will be waking early, set off to cameron highlands and to ipoh
to visit wai gong and wai po and jiujiu s.
will be back 1 week later, so dnt sms k else ur bills BOM.
kay miss me, bye. (:

Tuesday, December 8

wow, i realised my posts th eng dam cmi and dam many typos.
iyah heck care, my posts all take 3mins only LOL.

just back from outside.
Had dashdash chalet at coasta sands.
Checked in and headed to beach.
Had some games and took photos.
i understand th games arent rly enthralling but you
knw, basic respect and is th minimum req ._.
ok nvm. aft tht played frisbee and cycled.
i double-seater bike with nessa! :D
lyk omg lol dam long nv ride bike alr.
i fall nvm, was dam scared i make nessa fall also LOL.
i hate bing keep ks my route! D<
then went back to chalet.
others were slacking and chilling out, TV & poker cards.
i was dam good lor i barbequed with kevin.
his good man, thanks bro.
you knw what people, sometimes ur have to be less picky luhh.
th kebab so long only eat th bacon.
it true maybe th vegetables capricon etc not v nice.
but you knw, at least lyk try to taste it or sth.
its hard work behind leh!
kind of rude and v waste food lor.
After that went to console jialat cos sth happened.
went back room and vodka party started.
i only drank 2cups heng.
cpl drank 10cups i heard omg .__. !
had th cake ceremony.
ft. Cpl, Kevin & Celine!
I was lyk th lead singer la, first time!
dno why so enthu, noone want lead thn me do it.
me have ldrship quality in me k, lol wtf.
aft tht also me cut cake, also first tym me do it.
so me was trying me very best to cut me cake properly.
AND CHOCOLATE STARTED FLYING ARDDD.
Walao whey policeman. i thought you supposed to
uphold justice and peace, end up you create HAVOC!
everyone tio. i kana twice smemre.
i was innocently cutting cake la, how can lyk thtt!
$24 cake bai bai lang fei.
my xin xue leh i cut until so nice all efforts go down th drain. ):
LOL nvm, it was rly DAM FUNN.
aft tht i planned revenge on policeman haha.
put chicken curry in container and passed to jialat to throw.
end up we painted th walls with curry also.
CHAOS CHAOS, th room dam dirty la.
nothing to say LOL.
aft tht went to pool but were banned cos of attire.
so headed back to chalet.
wanted to play hide and seek but this is when things start to..
aft spinning for hours, cpl start to gg le.
puke started flying out and he passed out.
OMG i dam exaggerate LOL.
but true ley, i see him lying thr yi dong ye bu dong
thn keep calling him he nv ans.
scary part is his eyes were open la wth!!
aft tht carried him out for btr ventilation.
jialiat puked too.
see la, th consequences of over drinking.
i was of clear mind k, i was dam qing xing.
while exco was cleaning up th room,
members were self-entertained with volleyball.
thank god thr was ball and members are so auto.
sorry th chalet wasnt as smooth as if you have expected.
but rly, it was dam fun and eventful, most memorable outing so far.
aft tht went pasir ris int to fetch dear from prom night.
he was wearing formal, lyk so nan de.
i only see him wear formal lyk <5 lor.
but quite nice. (:
ate maggie mee and curry chicken with dear.
couldnt bear to let it go to waste.
aft tht i slept at 2am.
i woke at 4+ and heard cheryl had hangover LOL.
went out to find dear chatting with fam, so sociable. (:
aft tht dear slept so i slept back also.
woke at 6+
i was said to be th one who slept th most.
sorry la LOL, i knw th imptance of adequate rest.
i cant afford to look haggard :x
they came back from sunset and their turn to sleep.
i went mac with alf and cheryl for hotcakes and tea.
came back and i slept agn LOL ><
i rly sleep alot hahaha.
woke and showered.
aft tht packed up and explored cpl's iTouch.
the videos were enchating o.o
checked out when everyth is packed.
headed to city sq for pool.
kana gan lor wtf, securityguard so strict x.x
headed to cini for Case 39.
we succeeded buying tickets,
but at th entrance of th hall, things werent right.
somehow we saw some teenagers being requested for ICs.
so we panicked.
asked to change for mulan.
but th receptionist was lyk nono, tickets arent unrefundable nor exchangeable wtf.
was rather dulan lor, at tht point wanted to lyk write to
Straits Times forum or sth or complain to authority LOL.
Aft tht dear, cpl and me tried to enter out of desperation.
WOAH I PASSED.
can de la, i M18 also went in without difficulty whats NC16 man?
lol im exposing all my illegal acts thts lyk so not right ._.
but nvm hahaha, we had fun and the show was rly frightening.
i keep clinging to dear and scrunched up my face LOL.
was a nice movie though, glad we made it through th entrance.
thank god, must be my luck, HAHAHA.
went to somerset 313 to collect jeans at UNIQLO.
i saw this hat v nice, tried it and was so tempted to buy it.
kk, i think im buying it, will see how lol.
must be more thrifty, spent alot leyyy.
i still need buy mascara one you knw, LOL haha.
was v tired walking ard to find place to eat.
smemre dear keep attacking my stomach with ball.
not only am i famished, my stomach also punctured la wtf.
._____. was not in a good mood cos rly couldnt stand still alr.
boarded mrt home.
and guess what i was srsly so tired i slept standing.
ok not th first time though.
anw, was a nice day and dashDASH- , i love you guys. (:

does love have right and wrong?