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Friday, September 18

yan renhao, deardear, most loved, my greatest paramour(L) this is for you:

bi, i knw its been a vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv
long tym since i dedicate a post to you.
you once said: my frens th girls alwaes say their boyfs dnt love them enuf,
but why my girlf just th opp one?
boy, where got? i also v lurblurb you de ma, jus nv show only. ;shy.
i know, i must confess, i did, and when i did, you went back
to ur violent rages again.
you rmb how you reacted whenever i mention eric, era, bedok, UpperEastCoast etc?
you rly left me gobsmacked and shaken.
th way u punch th lift, i thot it would brk down and we'll stuck in thr.
im v sorry, dear..
i admit, i've been of all reluctance to get over him.
but now, im determined to.
believe alrights, im halfway thr.
i know how devoted you are to me,
totally immense and truthful.
im truely aware, im a mediocre girlf.
but we'll be through this k.
its a test of our love's mettle.
i know, you was appalled by my listing of probs in our rs.
i know, ur futile attempts to get me back when i keep wanting to run to him.
you said i was impetuous, tht he will impinge on my future.
i know, what i did was implausible, intolerable, unforgiveable.
i know, my high ego has alwaes dominate you.
you are often pissed of with my impregnable obstinacy.
i know all that.
i admit, i have a mercurial temperament,
but its a foible and i will ctrl myself alrights.
our relationship's beleaguered communication problem,
i will try my best to talk more ya?
i know whenever i turn and leave, you are perturbed
of me leaving you.
i wont walk off lyk tht agn..
im sincerely apologetic.
you rmb what you told me on our way to compass pt?
i still keep th paper.
On th bus:
You're th reason i hanged on till today
I know you want some peace at th moment
but i couldnt help myself but i need to know how you're doing.
There's nothing like you in this world.
I'm yours eternally - I'm here for you.

you passed me this, when silence was ringing loud btwn us on th bus.
you know i dont like to talk, and you wrote these to me instead.
i read them, but i looked out of th window again.
thn you continued:
It pains my heart to see you in this state.
Is there anything you want to tell me?
For example to leave you alone?

no dear, not that i want you away, its jus tht..
idk how to face you. i get tongue-tied,
im not worthy of you..

then you added on:
My shoulder is built for you.
My tears flow only for you.
My heart beats only for you.
My life is made for you.
I'm yours..

Dear.. why, why'd you love me so much?
I struggled to break free of you but you still held on to me so tight.
you said i'm ur everyth.
why, did i cast any spell on you?..

On th train to compass pt:
(I was slping on ur shoulder, and for th first time,
you took a picture of us, i thot u didnt lyk taking pic eh?
im sorry, i actually dreamt of him, on ur shoulder, sry..)
you wrote and passed me this when i woke:
I couldnt express how much i love you in words.
However, I feel really blissful when you lie on my shoulder.
I dont want this moment to end. I really cant stop caring for you,
and I feel that I am turning weaker and weaker day by day.
I get tongue-tired infront of you.
You're not ugly, you're the perfect one in my heart.
What defines you as ugly would be yourself.
I love you nonetheless as always.
We're going to compass point at Seng Kang.
I dont want to reach there so fast.
I want the train to slow down.
I want the day to be up forever.
I want the time to stop.
I know i am demanding.
Forgive me. Come back to me, let him go.
Lets fulfill our future like how we has always hoped for.

this is th most romantic thing u ever done in past 3 years, dear.
which is in a way showing how not romantic you are lol.

dear, i know we are still in the process of trying.
i know you are still recovering, so am I.
but then, we'll succumb it yeah?
i know how much hell you have been through.
I know what a failure girlf i am.
but, let time show alright.
Its time i repay you th unconditional love you showered on me.
i know, that's what you always wanted - me - my heart.
You said: i have your everyth, except your heart. your heart's with him.
dear, i will take it back de.
i love you. (:

- To be continued -