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Saturday, October 3

dear, i knw you might not be v please with this,
but this is what I've got to say:

Look, I know you have been scarred from that incident.
my motives arent meant to hurt you in anyway.
neither did i knew it was that deleterious and prolonged
in our flawwed relationship.
you told me not to mention era, eric, etc etc.
i did. but did you realise, you're th one who mention it more?
I know, I'm suppose to pacify you when you get perplexed with me.
but i really dnt know how to.
you know, I get v hurt too.
I know I'm not supposed to,
but, i do, i get hurt, when i see him, and when i see you lyk that.
you're just inconsolable no matter what i did.
I quitted era, i really didnt go anymore.
and th amount of time i cut down from playing audi - its significant.
isn't it? I spend everyday with you.
I know those surreptitious things i did behind your back is unforgiveable.
I know you became this delicate because of me.
I know how deeply wounded you are from that incident.
you say you hate them because they are th ones who tore us apart.
to tell you truth, they didn't, I did.
I know you hate me, I can tell, that bittersweet feeling.
I know i am inscrutable when this kind of things happen.
It's a retrograding cycle.
you say udw me to have any contact with them.
i know, you dont like them as my friends.
i aint as gregarious as you, I dnt socialise, I dnt like to, I have no friends,
I am a loner, you know that.
but now, they were once my friends.
It wouldnt hurt to just say hi right?
I know, to you it reopens up th wound.
but they are my friends,
tying me up and enclose me in your personal area makes me suffocate.
I know i dont deserve that trust for freedom,
but can't you see i'm, too, dying inside.
I really struggle to keep up your pace.
Or perhaps it's you struggling to slow down to my pace.
But I am really of all reluctance to estrange from them.
ok, at least i am, and will estrange me from him.
but why 为了一棵树放弃整个森林?
I am not willing to demean you, or us, infront of them either.
I know it's hard for you,
but that history's alr fait accompli, it cannot be change.
What can change is us, our future, we can build it together.
But everytime you get that enfeebled from this, I get weaker too.
I am trying to subjugate your feelings to me.
i dont doubt your love for me.
i knw its not vice versa though.
well, we are trying out.
I know this whole thing had been tragedic.
I threw you down th cliff, I'm sorry alright.
but i aint feeling any better also.
It really take me alot of courage and determination to eliminate my virtual world.
and that virtual him.
I will keep my promises.
but i dont know how many times you are going to get enraged again.
yes, everytime we bicker is about him.
yes, i am th unfaithful one that betrayed you.
yes, i allowed him in.
but it's all over, cant we build our future tmr tgt? a brighter future?
why do you keep dwelling in th past.
I am recovering, and so are you.
so let's do it together shouldnt we?
It's our path, we walk together.
Unless you are too weak to move on.
I really did all I can.
Not texting him, not having anyth to do with him nor anyone ard him.
I will. But please let it have effect on you.
Once, you said they tore us apart.
But now, your captivity for me, sort of tears me apart from you alr.
ok, i know this might sound gibberish.
but cant you see, its not I am trying to go.
it's your 'safe enclosure' for me.
It's that because you are selfish? trying to play safe?
all you want is not wanting me to leave.
and, i am really not leaving.
unless I have to.
you really went insane from that incident.
and i know, we were both frail.
but dont let it turn to a retrograding cycle can?
when you need assurance, just give me a hug, and I will hug you back.
I will be there for you, we will recover together.
I dnt want an ocean between us.
I dnt want deafeaning silence on the bus too.
you say you want my heart, my love, you cant feel it.
slow down, you will sense it.
It takes time, slowly ok?
dear, I love you de, even though Im not good at showing.
you know my communication is rly 烂到透.
i know its easy to misinterpret me.
looks lyk you got more to understand me.
you have to decode me more.
i know its challenging.
good luck to you. lol.
i still believe we are a v happy couple.
aint just ordinary crush.
you wanna last a lifetime right?
we will, but heal soon ok, im healing too.
dont flare up again, neither of us can endure it.
eventually, we'll make it there de. (:

昨天是过去, 明天是自己创造的.
让我们回到过去.
真心就好.